Creating a new reality – right now

Tonight I spent some time with an old friend, Dwayne, a young man whose home we furnished four years ago after meeting his mom through a social worker.  Dwayne was fortunate enough to get to Florida for college after graduating (barely) from a DC high school.  It looks like he may have a chance to succeed – to actually graduate college and get a job where he is independent and – mostly – alive when he is 22.

I remember his group of friends from high school and I asked Dwayne about them.  None actually graduated high school, and this was how he matter-of-factly caught me up on their lives:

“Lashan has a kid and he is always fighting with his baby’s mother.  He works at CVS.  J.T. gets out of jail next month after serving two years for assault.  Donald is serving seven ‘cuz he used a loaded gun when he tried to rob someone.  So, if you have a gun that is loaded, they will give you more time.”

I remembered these guys, and even though I hear these stories every day, I was still surprised that the two in jail could do what they had done.

Dwayne told me how dangerous his neighborhood has become; you can barely walk anywhere at night because people are sticking other people up all the time.  Police are everywhere, he said, but not enough to stop people from killing one another.

We said goodbye; I drove away and honked as Dwayne headed to the bus.  I feared something would happen to him tonight – or tomorrow night.  He goes back to college on Tuesday.  Seeing him turn and wave left an uncomfortable feeling – it was as if time stood still for a moment; his image like a photograph.  I hope it is not the last image I have of him.

I drove back to work realizing how hard it is for the mothers of these kids – how they must worry every night about whether or not their children will be alive in the morning.

Sitting down at my desk, I thought back to a conversation I was having with another friend last week – someone whose life has been blessed enough to not know the kind of poverty Dwayne and his family know.  I had shared with him the goals of A Wider Circle, and the fact that we are driven by one thing – ending poverty.

“You need to be realistic,” he said, convinced that my goal was idealistic and unattainable.

“Nope, we need to create a new reality,” I offered, convinced that not enough of us realize that we do, in fact, create our reality each day.  For Dwayne’s mom – for each of us – we need to create a reality where our resources go to solutions, real solutions, right now.  And we can not just talk about it, we have to act.  And we can not do small things, we have to do all that is necessary to save these lives.  For what kind of a species has the resources to care for its most vulnerable and does not do it?

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For we can not look into the eyes of someone who has nothing… and do nothing.

It is one of the ways – perhaps the best way – to feel connected to another human being.  When you look into the eyes of another human being, you connect in an easy yet meaningful way.  In that connection, barriers and boundaries cease to be present.  Differences are harder to see than the oneness that is most characteristic of our existence.  Look into the eyes of the man or woman who asks you for help – wherever it is that you cross paths with this person.  You will feel differently about that interaction.

It is estimated that there are nearly 40,000,000 children and adults in the United States living in poverty.  The number is higher, no question about it, but the point here is that you ought to be able to connect with a child or adult who needs help.  And when you do, make eye contact, and let that connection reverberate inside you.  The feeling of oneness that results can be life-changing, and it can happen every day.

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Lew’s life

Johnny, Mikey, and Shari have a younger brother.  His name is Lew.  Lew just failed sixth grade.  For the second straight year.  He is a big kid, and when his family is not watching him, he finds things to do that they fear will get him into big trouble some day soon.  At school, he is continually told by adults that he could do better, that he does not have to bully kids or show off by mouthing off to teachers.  They do not understand that he is screaming inside because he has no nice clothes, his shoes are old, and his father has not been around since he was born.  Johnny is the only “older” guy he has ever known intimately, and he struggles to be around for Lew because his job as a mechanic (12 hours a day) tires him out.  Lew’s mother works two jobs, but her education level will never allow her to rise out of the poverty this family knows.  And Lew hates it.  He sees the other world in which kids live.  He watches it go by every day, and he sees it every night on television.

Shari, a year older and a child herself, does all she can each day to help Lew stay in school.  Mikey does, too.  Lew loves them but the two of them are not changing his world.  They merely try to keep him afloat in it.

Can you see Lew?  Can you see his old clothes and the shoes for which his feet are clearly too big?  Can you see him failing tests and cutting classes?  Can you see him messing around with his friends, most of whom fear him and with whom Lew does things that will land him jail soon?

Can you see Lew?  What color do you see?  Do you see a tough black kid in a low-income, inner city school?

Lew is white, he goes to one of the nicest public schools in one of the nicest suburbs in our country.  Lew’s mother is giving her life so she can have Lew attend this school.  This summer, his two brothers and his sister have vowed to take him every day to a summer school program, take him there and pick him up, do his homework each day, tutoring and mentoring Lew until he sees nothing but the success that they will drill into his head is possible for him.

Lew will succeed, these three people will make sure of it, and Lew has agreed to let them do this for him.  That’s family.  It is time for us to all be family.  To everyone, everywhere.  Wherever you are, find Lew.

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What is leadership?

I saw a young man – about 30 years old – in the middle of 16th Street.  He was in his wheelchair, trying to cross the street.  He was wearing an old, torn shirt and his pants were old and dirty, as well.  His face was pained as he stopped and started a few times, just trying to get to the other side of the street.

If we continue to build additions to museums, pay thousands of taxpayer dollars so elected officials can attend dinners or ballgames, and we do not tend to the needs of our most vulnerable citizens, well, I just wonder where the leadership is in all of that.

A Wider Circle provides a wide range of services at a low-income DC middle school where MORE THAN EIGHT OF EVERY TEN CHILDREN fail the standardized tests.  When I walked into the boys bathroom on my first day at the school, the urinals did not work.  Yellow water was all you could see in each urinal.  The principal showed me the girls bathroom – a bathroom where the windows were broken so the temperature in that bathroom was the same 30 degrees it was outside.  This was where parents sent their kids to give them a chance to learn, grow, and thrive.  Hard to do any of that in those conditions – conditions that kids everywhere in our nation’s capital endure daily – for their entire childhood.  Their neighborhoods are worse, especially at night.

The demands of leadership are great, but I wonder, no, I am sure that current priorities and efforts are not enough.  Anyone elected to serve ought to be ready to give everything they’ve got to make sure those most in need are at the forefront of every decision to spend our tax money, at the forefront of every decision on our collective wellbeing.  Thousands of lost lives, that is what I see every day.  The desperation of mothers calling by the hundreds every week, that is what I hear.

I also see amazing leaders every day – the college students who intern and volunteer all over the region, giving incredible effort to right the wrongs they see.  We have 30 of these interns each semester, and they work so hard, it makes you cry.  To each of them we owe more leadership, we owe more effort.  On the backs of interns and young professionals, A Wider Circle has served more than 50,000 people.  These individuals help me to be an optimistic being, forever optimistic.

I just hope we can all raise our level of leadership and make sure that our schools have urinals that work, that mothers have less desperation each day and night, and that young men confined to a wheelchair have clean clothes and more support getting to the other side of the street.

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Two different schools, two different worlds (same city)

A Wider Circle has recently expanded its school and shelter programming throughout the region.  The following entry comes from one of our Americorps*VISTA members, a young woman named Nicole Newman, who graduated last year from Trinity University and who is playing a leadership role at one of our school programs.   Earlier this month, she spent two days at local schools – one day at an upper-income school where the kids and parents enthusiastically immersed themselves in public service, and another day at a low-income school where A Wider Circle is developing programs to help both the kids and parents.  The contrast between the two was so stark and upsetting that she wrote the following:

“Last week, I went to a school.  A thriving, vibrant school where the bathrooms all worked. Their windows were clean and not broken.  They had a library where students could go, find books and read.  Every child in the room had slept in a bed the night before.  All of them had eaten breakfast that morning and could say with certainty that they would eat dinner that night.  And at this school, parents lined the side of the room and kids listened, engaged and interested as I spoke about a world far different from their school but located only a few miles away.

The day before I had gone to another school.  A school where almost every family has trouble finding enough money to pay rent and utilities, never mind buying food.  A school where young girls use the bathroom in ice-cold temperatures because the windows are broken.  A school with lights that have been broken for years and doors without handles.  A school where they don’t have a library and the students are far more concerned with survival than they are with learning.  This school has a 15% passing rate on standardized tests. Most of its 264 students qualify for free and reduced lunches.  When and where the students will get their next meal is a question rather than a certainty.  There are 25 students in the school who don’t have homes, let alone a bed in which to sleep.

And when I go back to that school I will be confused because I won’t understand what makes these kids different from the ones at the first school.  I go to the grocery store and see the aisles and aisles of food.  I go to malls and see clothing, shoes and beds. So I know there is enough stuff.

I am also aware of how different the lives of these kids are.  At one school, kids speak foreign languages – maybe more than one – and they choose from multiple summer camp options.  At the other, kids have lost a family member to violence in recent weeks or will be homeless and not have a place to rest their heads that is safe and stable.  However, they all are children, and I know they are more alike than different.

And so I pose the question: what makes some children deserving of dilapidated school buildings and an education that prepares them for little more than a life of poverty?  The answer is nothing.

And so it is the responsibility of each of us to love these children and empower them.  Let that be our legacy. The achievement gap widens as we wait. The lives lost to poverty increase daily.

One more thing about that first school – the one where the children have what so many do not.  After they listened to me talk, they rolled up their sleeves, organized and decorated gift bags, and sorted food – all because they believe that a small group of people could make a big impact in the lives of others.  That is why I know we can make change happen – these kids showed me we can do it.

I invite you to also get involved in whatever capacity you feel compelled. This could mean donating your time: mentoring or tutoring students, or cleaning and beautifying school grounds.  Maybe you want to do food drives and make weekend back packs so that lunch on Friday is not the last meal our children eat until returning to school the next Monday. Maybe you want to send a monetary donation that will help A Wider Circle run its programs at local schools.  However you want to help, I can assure you it is needed.  The time for change is now.  The person to make it happen is you.”

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What does your ________ do?

What does your ___________________ do to end poverty?

Right now, while many of us are eating, reading, spending time on our computers, watching television, or shopping for food or clothing, hundreds of thousands of our neighbors are living in desperation.   They are hungry – all the time.   They have no money – almost every day.  Their heat or air conditioning does not work, so in the winter they are always cold and in the summer the heat can be deadly.

A world with no poverty is not just an idea – it is the only acceptable reality.  And it has to start here.  With you.

There is plenty of food around here – and certainly there are enough beds and dressers – so that people do not have to live in such desperation, with such fear about tomorrow.

So, what does your book club do?  How about your PTA?  Or your business?  What does your recreation league soccer team do?  What more can your church or synagogue do – or the men’s club, women’s club, Rotary, Kiwanis, or Lion’s Club?

Do you have any time to do a “drive” for toilet paper, tissues, toothpaste, or soap?  Because hundreds of thousands of our neighbors need these things.  Many tell me they live in desperate need of toilet paper.  That is not acceptable, not when it would be so easy to make sure this is not the case.  And kids leave some of our lower-income schools every Friday and do not have another meal until they return to school on Monday.  Sound impossible?  Just go ask them.  Or visit them and see their empty cupboards and refrigerators.

The good news?  You can change all of this.  You, your family, your team, your school…

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Our connection to one another

David Bohm, a world-renowned 20th-century physicist and protege of Albert Einstein’s, once wrote that people do not depend on one another as much as they “are one another.”  That was one of his major conclusions following a lifetime of research and examination of the universe and its parts.  Bohm was well-versed in classical and quantum physics, and he drew his conclusion about the oneness of all beings from this deep knowledge of the sciences.

Larry Dossey, one of the premiere physicians and thinkers I have come across in my research, commented similarly when summarizing his research.  The most cutting edge sciences of our day, he noted, have revealed that the golden rule has changed from “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you” to “Do unto others because, in a sense, they are you.”  Our origins, our futures, and all of what makes us who we are each day – the similarities and interconnected nature of it all – far outweighs that which seems to separate us.

Bohm and Dossey were expressing what we at A Wider Circle take to heart every day.  If one person is in poverty, every one of us is in poverty.  If one mother does not have a bed, I do not have a bed.  If a child living two miles away from you has no food, you are starving – even if you do not feel it in a tangible way.

What you do with this realization is where you can truly change lives.  Take a little of your free time and do something that will help those who could really use some help.  Get food to children and adults who are hungry, collect and distribute furniture to those sleeping on the floor, or do whatever allows you to connect to those in need.  Or, as we have learned, to connect to yourself.

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